Summer School: Be a Better Lover with these Lyrics by Female Rappers and Singers
I love women. There are so many things I’m thankful to have learned from women. I love music too, and there are so many things I’m thankful to have learned from women in music. I hope you will join me in considering some of the lessons I have taken on how to be a better lover and appreciator of femininity in your life according to lyrics by female rappers and singers. You will find links to music streaming services embedded throughout, but for your convenience, the songs are gathered in this Spotify playlist.
First, we start with “Drown in it” by Syd. I deeply appreciate the emphasis on informed consent. Syd starts by giving their partner the option to say no, opening with the lyric “If you want me to”. Syd demonstrates the importance of obtaining consent by asking directly “Are you ready, baby” instead of simply assuming it’s ok to “Swim in it / Dive in it / Drown in it / Hide in it, babe / Live in it / Die in it / Ride in it / Inside of it, babe / Swallow it / Follow it / Fall in it / All in it, baby” just because of a current or past relationship.
Where Syd teaches us the importance of obtaining consent from your partner, the track “Downtown” by SWV offers some more direct tips and tricks for pleasing your partner while going downtown with them. A night downtown with your partner (dinner, drinks, bowling, movies, you name it) is best finished by going downtown on them, at least if you ask SWV.
“Take it round and round” and “take it nice and slow.” Follow their advice carefully, because “it opens up the door to so, so much more.”
In “Not Tonight” from the 1996 album Hardcore by Lil Kim, listeners hear how Lil Kim had the misfortune of a lover who only satisfied her sexual needs 20% of the time. “After ten times we fcked, I think I bust twice,” she raps.
The issue for Lil Kim wasn’t just that she only bust twice though. In fact, it’s not the healthiest mindset to approach sexual encounters with the specific goal of orgasm in mind. The National Institutes of Health even published a study in 2019 detailing the real consequences of “bad orgasms”. There are numerous reasons why sex should focus on the goal of pleasure instead of climax. Lil Kim describes traits about her partner that bothered her, and illuminates the problems of one-sided sexual satisfaction.
“It was somethin’ bout this dude I couldn’t stand / Something that coulda made his ass a real man / Somethin’ I wanted, but I never was pushy / The motherfucker never ate my pussy”
A note on the gendered language here. What it means to be a “real man” in this instance doesn’t carry a sexist or homophobic undertone (I read “man” as a more gender-expansive term anyway). Instead, we should focus on the emotional intelligence and maturity of Lil Kim’s partner. A “real man” would be more perceptive to the wants and needs of their partner. A “real man” would be a better listener and communicator so that their partner never feels “pushy” when voicing their desires and expectations.
Now we consider “Raspberry Swirl” by Tori Amos. Tori Amos is a connoisseur of cunnilingus, explaining to men (gender specific here) that if they want to satisfy their partners, it requires a willing ness to connect on both a sexual and emotional level. “If you want inside her well / You better make her raspberry swirl,” she sings to the men in the world who could run their hands all over the berrybush and never find the fruit. Tori Amos explained in multiple interviews how she fulfils the emotional needs of her female friends when the men in their lives can’t.
“Things are getting desperate (Desperate) / When all the boys can't be men (Can't be men) / Everybody knows I'm her friend (I'm her friend) / Everybody knows I'm her man.”
In this way “Raspberry Swirl” by Tori Amos parallels Lil Kim’s frustration with the emotional immaturity of men in their life.
“My Neck, My Back (Lick it)” by Khia offers some clear instructions on what she needs from a partner:
“First, you gotta put your neck into it / Don't stop, just do it, do it
Then, you roll your tongue / From the crack, back to the front
Then you suck it all 'til I shake and cum, n**** / Make sure I keep busting nuts, n**** / All over your face and stuff”
Khia’s lyrics call back to our previous discussion on Lil Kim’s track. Khia’s track, like Lil Kim’s, makes clever use of the masculine term “busting nut”. By repurposing this term for the male orgasm in a feminine context, Khia asserts control and ownership over her own sexuality, and the feminine sexual experience more generally.
Khia also liberates herself through her willingness to experiment with mind-altering substances like ecstasy (aka MDMA or X) with the lyric “Slow thumping 'til the crack of dawn / On the X, making faces and stuff” to enhance her experience in the bedroom.
Finally, we’re coming to “Lick it” by God-des & She. One of the most influential openly LGBTQ+ hip hop duos of all time, in this track God-des & She offer a lecture on lovemaking. A seminar on sex. A… you get the idea. From the opening line, it’s made clear that this song will play out like schoolhouse rock - a lesson put to lyrics. The lyrics speak for themselves:
Good Evening, Class / I would like to welcome you / To Pussy Eating 101 / Pay close attention now
There's rules and regulations to pleasing a girl / Going downtown could really rock her world / But you gotta make sure that you know what you're doing
First, you gotta make sure you rehearse / Move 'round your tongue like your trying to curse / Cause there's nothing worse than a tongue that doesn't work / Then your girl will be mad and you'll feel like a jerk
Spread out her lips before you kiss / You wanna make sure that you find the clit / Lick a little bit then move it all around / Lick it all over 'til you hear her make a sound
Then you know that you found a good spot / Tease it and touch it, but not a lot / Put your mouth on top, you're in control / You can make it happen - fast or slow
Don't be bland - better act creative / Be on top of your game and be innovative / Experiment a bit and change it up / Lick a little lower then put it in her butt
Then you can place a finger inside / Make sure that it's wet and easy to glide / If she's really wet, and your finger slides / Try to put another one inside
But you better still have your mouth on the clit / You know you're doing good if her legs twitch / Then pick her up and set her on your face / Pick a large area to give her some space / She needs some room to place your mouth where she want it / And let her ride your face like she's 'bout to cum on it / The key to a girl's heart is going down south / So come on everybody let her put it in your mouth!
Lastly, I offer an honorable mention for “Clitoris! The musical” by Ashnikko. Worth the listen, especially for all the cisgender heterosexual men out in these streets who need to get better in the sheets.
