Pressure to Perform: Musings From a Classical Musician in a College Town
If I had seen Emanuel Ax at a different point in history, it could have been my first and last time ever hearing the music. Before modern day recording technology, you had to be very wealthy to constantly be exposed to the highest levels of musical performance. Now that we’re in the modern day, it’s so easy for us to listen to whatever we want to, whenever we want to. This hasn’t been the case for very long. I saw Emanuel Ax on April 25th, and I thought I would write some thoughts and reflections after seeing the show. Before I do that, I’ll introduce myself briefly.
My name is Max, I’m from Memphis, Tennessee, and I’ve been playing piano for about 14 years. I mostly prefer to play classical, but I’ve played in a lot of different sets in BDMC, which I joined my sophomore year only because I didn’t know it existed freshman year. If I had started taking piano lessons with the person I currently take lessons from, there’s a good chance I would be in Jacobs right now (or at least applied). It’s interesting to think about things like that, but I can still learn classical music without being in Jacobs. The most recent piece I finished learning was Clair de Lune (Debussy) and I’m now working on Reverie (also by Debussy). The first thought I’m going to share is how much Emanuel Ax was probably thinking about while he was performing. The final piece that he performed (Schubert’s Piano Sonata in B flat major, D. 960) is forty minutes long. Performing classical music, and music as a whole really, is all about choices.
The author playing piano for BDMC Presents 2023.
Claire de Lune is about five minutes long, and I’ve had lessons where I spend an hour with my teacher talking about one specific part. It’s pretty difficult to imagine how many decisions Ax made while he was learning the piece for the first time and I’m sure his performance of it has changed over the years. Music is all about making conscious decisions, there aren’t many places where there is true right and wrong. What really matters is that you are choosing to do something in some specific way and that you are aware of it. I’m the pianist for an a capella group on campus (Hooshir) and that’s something I’ve been trying to explain to them. We could spend double the amount of time we spend learning music on discussing how to perform it. It’s the same thing with classical music specifically and maybe even music as a whole. Any of you reading this could play Claire de Lune, maybe it would take a bit of time but eventually you would be able to play the notes correctly. What you wouldn’t be able to do is perform it; I finished learning the piece almost a year ago now and I’m still learning how to perform it. It’s staggering to think about how many choices go into performing a forty minute piece, and how Emanuel Ax has probably made all of them.
I’m going to take the discussion of choices in music to a bit of a bigger scale now. I was in a band last semester. We didn’t have a name at any point while I was in it, but they’re now known as Honey Iced Tea. Over the course of the semester, I thought a lot about whether I really ever wanted to be in a band. When I’ve told people that I was in a band then left, I generally say that I didn’t have time to commit to it. This is pretty much true, but I don’t have time to commit to it because it’s not something I truly want to make time for. If my major interest wasn’t classical solo piano, then I probably would have made the time to be in the band. There isn’t really a good way to transition to my main point in this part so I’ll just ask this question: Did I ever actually want to be in a band or did I just want the applause that came with it? I’ve never really enjoyed learning songs, even with the sets I’ve done for BDMC I’ve frequently had the thought of whether I actually enjoy doing this or not. Lots of times, when I’ve learned songs, I think that I could actually be using this time practicing classical. I think next year I’ll try to organize listening parties (if that’s a word I can use) for classical music because it doesn’t have much of a presence in the club. There’s a slack channel for classical music but it’s pretty much dead and it doesn’t have many members, so I’ll try to revive that too. I also don’t want this to sound like I’m upset at the rest of the band, it was great to play with them and to be asked to be a part of it in the first place but I just don’t think it’s what I really want.
Maybe I’ll regret not playing at the Bluebird in college later in my life but I have no real interest in dedicating the time needed to be able to play at a place like that. My goal for writing this is mostly just to put it out somewhere in the world, but maybe I get someone who’s reading this to think about these things. We control our own actions in college (mostly), so whatever you’re doing musically, just make sure you’re making the choice to and that it is truly what you are interested in.
